Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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