Dude my mom stole all your condoms
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
