You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
where am i from again
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
