i need an iv and a liver transplant
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
