Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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