So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
