she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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