He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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