I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
