Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
