So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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