He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
