i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
