if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
