I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
