dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
