Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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