So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
