I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
