It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
