I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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