If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
In America we eat man semen.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
