What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
