Grow some girl-balls and come out already
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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