I could have mohawked her pubes.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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