sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
