i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
