My friends, they love my intelligence
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
