I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The convent might be a nice break from real life
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
