Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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