I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
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Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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