I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
