if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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