watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
