a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
