im about as happy as oj after his trial
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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