cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
