I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
