Someone shit on the floor
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
