How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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