Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize