these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
