do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
