Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
