i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
