i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
