I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
