bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
