i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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