are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
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