Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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