I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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