just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
