just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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