Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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