You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
