everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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