I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
