Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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