i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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