I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
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don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
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I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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