this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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