I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize